Chemo without the Hair Loss

Miss Mother had a tumor.
She went to see the doctor.
Chemo! said the Doctor.
Chemo! said the Nurse.
Nothing! said the Mother. Call Sister instead.
Sister called the Doctor.
The Doctor called the Nurse.
The Nurse said chemo.
The Doctor said chemo.
The Mother said My Hair!
The Nurse called the Doctor.
The Doctor called the Sister.
It's the hair, said the Sister.
Its' the hair, said the Doctor.
Not the hair, said the Nurse.
There's a new chemo, said the Doctor.
There's a new chemo, said the Nurse.
Don't get excited, said the Sister.
In the end, it's still Death.

Cancer is the new Plague

Ring around the rosy
Pockets full of posies
Ashes, Ashes,
We all fall down

Unseen in our bodies
masses full of cells
ashes, ashes
we all fall down

Hospital

My mom is in the hospital again.

She can't keep anything down and was in pain. She is in pallative care, but that doesn't mean she doesn't get treated, just that they aren't going to try aggressive things to cure her.

What it means is they will try to clear the blockage and give her pain medicine. My father said he'd give us a call with an update.

I'm really glad I saw her this weekend, but now, I'm truly truly glad I didn't put it off. She may go home again if they can clear the blockage and manage the pain, but each major stress her body takes makes it harder for her to recover.

Slipping Away

I called my little brother, and told him to get his butt up here and see his mother, and he needed to deal with this, because if he didn't, he'd never forgive himself. And he wouldn't. He's going to try to get up here earlier. He's stalled long enough. I do understand, but now it's time for him to show up.

My father is calling my elder brother to tell him his trip in late June is too far out, and to get his butt out here sooner as well.

It's not that we think she won't make it that long. It's that, we aren't sure she will make it that long and do you really want to leave this to chance?

I fly out tomorrow, and I know I'll never see her again, and that hurts, and it's painful, but my being here made her feel a bit happier for a small bit of time. My sister flys out in two weeks.

Cancer has got to be one of the worst scourges of our day. Okay, bubonic plague it's not, but sometimes it sure feels like it.

Upcoming Visit

I can't believe it's only been two weeks since my mom decided not to do chemo. She did do one treatment which she regrets, but what's done is done.

I fly out tomorrow to visit with her, to say good-bye, though I won't say it, to make her smile... she's actually planning to come to the airport to pick me up with my father... to just be there. I don't think she'll actually make it to the airport, but then again, this is the woman who overcame several problems to attend my baby shower. I know I know you all love your mothers, and probably feel the same, but I just feel when it came to mothers I really got the best one that could possibly ever have been out there...

So while this is a trip I don't want to make, I mean, I don't want to see her sick, see her suffer, see her ill, I am making it because beyond the sickness, beyond the suffering, and beyond the illness, is the most important woman in my life, and how could I not let her see me one more time, because her days are numbered, and mine are unknown.