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Location: Colorado, United States

I've found a place to be, here in Colorado. I am enjoying what comes my way while raising my children and writing my head off in this crazy, chaotic life.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Ah, lonliness

I want to call my mother about once every other day.

I think about her every day.

I wonder where she is, if she is anywhere.

And I think it unfair she died so young.

It irritates me that I can't call her, talk to her, touch her, anymore, and I'm sure the irritation is just a manifestation of a deep anger that I haven't come to terms with.

My sister ran a 10K race, and was excited, but had no one to call that would care, but me. Because our mother isn't with us anymore.
She feels the same way I do about it, which is interesting. Usually people have different reactions, our reactions have been identical.

I promised my daughter I'd bring down the photo album this week and show her pictures.

I think I'm ready for that.

Then, on the other hand, my father calls me every other day. The man who never called before, and if who picked up the phone would spend about one minute and 30 seconds before passing it on to our mother. He can talk, I discovered, for quite a long time.

He is coping, as well as you can imagine. He was married to my mother for 42 years. They married at 19 and 20. So, you can imagine, he's having a hard time.


Blogger David said...

That must be extraordinarily hard for your father. You're doing a good deed by listening to him.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Lahdeedah said...

Yeah. He keeps making noises about moving, but there's four kids, four places he can go, and he's convinced himself that three of us will be mad at him when he finally decides.

I think it's that he hasn't decided yet. I just wish he were nearer someone.

4:12 PM  

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