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Location: Colorado, United States

I've found a place to be, here in Colorado. I am enjoying what comes my way while raising my children and writing my head off in this crazy, chaotic life.

Friday, June 22, 2007

The Final Goodbye

I called my mother in law.
We were chatting.

My cell phone rang.
I ignored it.
It rang again.
I ignored it.
It rang again.

My msn window was blinking. Only my sister and brother in law use it.
I checked it.
Are you there?
Your sister is calling and calling. Your mother REALLY wants to talk to you.

I hung up on my mother in law, told her I had to go and picked up the phone.

My sister said "She REALLY wants to talk to you."

I said Hello.
My mother cried.
She said she my older brother was going to try to get there tomorrow.
She said she wanted to see him one more time.
She said she felt strange.
She said she loved me. I said I loved her.
I said she was the best mom in the world.
She said I was her best daughter.
I told her it would be okay.
She said she believed me.
She got it together then.
And didn't cry.
I told her I loved her.
Again and again.
I told her she'd always be with us.
That she'd not be without us.
She said she loved me.
She said Bye.

She wants to see her boys. I know she wants to see me. It's never enough, you know, you can never spend enough time with the ones you love. I saw her mothers' day, talked to her almost every day after, and I would love to be there right now, right then, to hold her, but then, how much is enough? Would I hold her for days? My sister is there. She is holding her. She could make it out there. That means the world. That is good. Because not all of us can be there.

I don't want to really say bye.
I don't want to never feel her again.
But wants are nothing.
She is dying.
We are flying out on Monday.


Blogger David said...

Oh, this is heart rending.

Good wishes to all of you.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Lahdeedah said...

Thanks for the words.

10:29 AM  

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