Lahdeedah's World

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Location: Colorado, United States

I've found a place to be, here in Colorado. I am enjoying what comes my way while raising my children and writing my head off in this crazy, chaotic life.

Monday, December 04, 2006

worry

So I am worried.

Over things that were said.
Maybe it was the brewery spewing forth from his mouth
And not really truth, or words meant to be acted upon
But it's going to be a long road
Now that they were spoken
Because now I will worry

And so much has happened
I was looking forward to good things
Not this dark road
That shouldn't be quite so dark

So I pray
And I hope
And I beg

For a miracle or some act of God

That will get us all safely to where we need to be
So we can be one family
Together, not apart
Without this worry
That is now in the back of my mind

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Colorado

I once started a blog that said Arizona, and it was about how we might be moving to Arizona. We aren't, we're moving to Colorado. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Two years here, and it feels like two years wasted, two years lost, but are they? They aren't wasted to my sons, who flourished here, into and out of toddlerhood and now 3 years old. Not to my daughter, who lived two years here day to day. But to me? I can say, quite certainly, that nothing of any consequence has happened to me in the two years I've lived here.

Clearly, the problem isn't the life we had here, but the life I didn't have here. I have one more year of school before I get my masters. I need to get that, so I can concentrate more fully on writing. And to be frank, if I didn't need a job in Colorado, I wouldn't be getting the damn masters.

So here is hoping that Colorado will be better. Here is hoping that these two years were just a holding period, before the next and final destination of Colorado (because I don't want to move again) and here is hoping that when all is said and done, these two years were valuable, because for two years I got to be selfish, I got to keep my kids all to myself, I got to stay home and hug them and love them, and that is one regret I will not have, that regret that I wasn't around.